It is always nice to be pleasantly surprised. While reading my first entry, my husband really spoke words of encouragment to me. He said, "You know Kristin, you could really help others that are experiencing desperate times. I think you need to expand a little deeper on your first entry. You may have left some readers thinking or wanting to know more."
Anyone who knows my husband, a man of few words, knows this was a really good compliment. Aside from feeling greatful that I was heading in the right direction, I was confused. People don't need to hear the dirt and I am not seeking sympathy. With time often comes clarity, so 2 weeks later I think I have an understanding on what he meant by "more."
2 Peter 3:9 "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentace."
There are so many definitions of sanctuary, a place of refuge or safety, is just one. During the 7 months that my husband and I were seperated I never thought of the little travel-like-trailor I lived in with 3 rambunctious boys as a sanctuary. Yet, hindsight, it truly was.
I chose to move out of our home with our 3 sons in January of 2011. Not a decision I took lightly, but I truly believed the day I pack our bags I was doing the right thing for our family. Changes needed to happen and cycles needed broken. Dangit anyways, I was determined. Ticked, yes...but I covered that in my first blog.
We moved into a travel-like-trailor parked on my parents property. The fact that we had no running water did not faze me. This trailor ended up being my place of escape, a safe place emotionally and mentally for 7 months.
Having no plans other than the fact that whatever happened from that point on, life WAS going to be better. Not much for a plan, but it was something for me to focus on. With a 5, 3 and 1 year old with a father and mother who both loved them we worked out a shared schedule. The lack of understanding still haunted the boys daily. Thankfully, the Godly counsel my husband and I were both seeking helped us deal with our boys as best as we could. Still, the questions the boys asked, the horrible behavior they had and the many nights of crying themsleves to sleep are still hard for me stomach when I think of them.
With divorce papers in my hands I tried filling those things out a half dozen times. At the time, I just thought I could not emotionally handle the physical act in doing so, now I know it was so....much.....more.
As the days went by, Valentines Day-gone, St Patrick's Day-gone, Easter-gone, birthdays gone....my plan did not really seem to be working out the way I imagined it to. My husband was obviously working on getting his family back under the same roof, I was not.
After 5 months I knew I needed to start searching for place other than the trailor for the boys and I to live in. As a stay at home mom I had no income other than my husband. People starting offering little cabins for us to move into on peoples property for little or no rent, yet everyone of them fell through the cracks. Job opportunities for myself were lacking. Feeling very discouraged about my plan for, "better," got stronger everyday. The only calm in my storm was between the hours of 10pm and 5am. If I was not sleeping I was feeding myself with Gods word. A sense of serentiy came over me while laying in my sanctuary reading His word.
During a counseling session I was complaining and venting about how nothing was working out the way I planned. A very admirable and wise women told me maybe you should think about why God is closing certain doors. Maybe, He has a bigger plan.
I spent the next few months praying and thinking about this wise statement. Continued counsel, endless praying and most importantly for me, reading Gods word.
A verse I hold near and dear to my heart. I read this about twice a day for 10ish months. Jeremiah 29:11"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans to prospor you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Wow!! This single verse gives us so much. The bible is not just full of verses, this is a promise from God.
S L O W L Y, I felt the desire to be in the same room as my husband. We designated Sunday afternoons as "family day." We committed that nothing would come in the way of that. The boys were on cloud nine. My husband and I actually started having meaningful conversation. Still, I was not ready to discard the divorce papers. Then the day came when I had to move out of the trailor, my brother needed it back for a family vacation he had planned for his family.
There was no doubt in my mind what God wanted me to do, but I did not want to listen.....BUT I did it anyway!!! Obedience = Blessing.
Divorce papers burned, all 5 of us living under one roof, and loving being a part of our church must mean everything is peachy. Wrong. Marriage is tough, we seek marital guidance from mentors of our church, we are commited to praying together and we take all chances given to better our marriage. Whether it be through books, seminars or counsel we are on the same team. Gods team.
Going on 4 months of being back home, I can assure you God knew what He was doing. If it were not for this horrific time in my life, I would still be trying to control my relationship with God, instead of following Jesus.
Children are like sponges. They see & hear as if they are sporting special radar devices from the military. As a mother I have learned this can be a good thing....and not. Prime example happened about an hour ago. My husband was giving me a hug before he went to bed. He gave me a little pat on the tush, no big thing. Then we hear a quiet little voice from afar....Bridger, our 2 1/2 year old, says " he touched your buns, " giggle, giggle, giggle. No harm done, but they notice everything!!
